


Episode: Lucy and Dora

by Eraseunavez



Category: Friday Night Dinner (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24983254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eraseunavez/pseuds/Eraseunavez
Summary: In this episode, while Jackie finishes dinner, a handyman will try to fix the heating, Jonny and Adam will have a revelation, Jim will get some fig ice-cream, and Martin will hide a secret.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Episode: Lucy and Dora

_ Intro. _

_ Adam and Jonny park the car in the driveway. Adam is drinking from a can of soda. They have a small chat while walking to the front door. _

**Jonny** : So where did you meet this new girlfriend of yours?

**Adam** : Well, actually, at the same place where you found yours.

**Jonny** : No way! You copycat! Did you go to the salsa lessons?

**Adam** : Credit where credit is due. You had an excellent idea.

**Jonny** : I told you: best fishing ground ever!

**Adam** : Yeah, and I bet you threw the bait way down into abyssal waters.

**Jonny** : What are you talking about?

**Adam** : You know, indiscriminate bottom trawling.

**Jonny** : Ha, ha, so funny. We should go on a double date so you can meet her. You’ll be so jealous.

**Adam** : Jealous? I don’t think my girlfriend can compare to your deep-sea anglerfish. But sure, let’s do a “double date”.

_ Jackie opens the front door. She is wearing a short-leave blouse. She has a kitchen timer in her hand. _

**Jackie** : My boys!

**Jonny** : Hi Mum!

**Adam** : Hi Mum!

_ Adam and Jonny kiss their mum on their way in. _

**Jackie** : What is this? No fighting? How is it you are in such a good mood today?

**Jonny** : A good week I guess... Why is it a thousand degrees in here? It’s like entering a sauna!

_ Jonny removes his jacket. _

**Jackie** : There is something wrong with the thermostat or something. It has been like this since this morning and we can’t really stop it.

**Jonny** : Why hasn't Dad fixed it?

_ Jonny removes his tie. _

**Adam** : I’m peeing myself; I’m bursting for the toilet.

_ Adam walks to the toilet under the stairs. _

**Jackie** : You’ll have to go upstairs. Your Dad has been in there for an hour already!

**Adam** : Oh, come on!

_ Adam runs upstairs at the same time that he removes his jumper. _

**Jonny** : So is that why Dad hasn’t fixed the heating?

**Jackie** : Your father tried this morning but he made it worse. I had to call a technician and he’s now in the kitchen trying to find what is wrong with the heater.

**Jonny** : Hope he can fix it soon or we’ll be having theme dinner tonight: Sahara desert!

_ Jonny undoes a couple of buttons from his shirt.  _

**Jackie** : So how are things going? Any “females”?

**Jonny** : Actually yes, Mum. I’ve been dating this girl for a while now.

**Jackie** : Oh really? You and your secrets, Jonnyboo! And what does she do for a living?

**Jonny** : You will like her; she’s so smart! She’s a lawyer.

**Jackie** : Sounds great. And you look so happy!

**Jonny** : I think this can be the one.

**Jackie** : Oh my God, that would be great. I’m so excited, I wish you were right!

_ Jonny knocks on the toilet door on their way to the living room. _

**Martin** : It’s busy!

**Jonny** : Dad, are you alright? Are you stuck in the toilet?

**Martin** : It’s not your bloody business, is it?

_ Jonny flicks the toilet switch a few times. _

**Jonny** : Toilet disco!

Jonny makes disco noises.

**Martin** : Stop it, you idiot! I’m going to have an epileptic fit!

_ Jonny laughs. _

**Jonny** : Oh, I’m sorry. Are the lights on now?

**Martin** : No, flick the bleeding switch again!

_ Jonny flicks the switch twice. _

**Jonny** : Is it on now?

**Martin** : No, it is not on. Flick it just once, you simpleton!

_ Jonny flicks the switch. _

**Jonny** : I’m sorry, my bad. Do you need a hand then?

**Martin** : Go away and leave me alone!

_ Jonny walks away laughing. _

=======================

_ In the living room, Jonny is relaxing when Adam enters the room. He is wearing a t-shirt and very short and tight yellow trousers. _

**Adam** : Is Dad still in the toilet?

**Jonny** : It seems so. Don’t ask me what he’s up to.

_ Jonny notes Adam’s short trousers. _

**Jonny** : Oh my God! Where have you found those?

**Adam** : I needed some shorts. It’s scorching in here!

**Jonny** : Not a valid excuse to wear that.

**Adam** : They used to fit perfectly!

**Jonny** : When you were ten!

_ Jackie enters the living room. _

**Jackie** : What are you up to, boys?

**Adam** : Not much.

**Jackie** : Oh Adam, did you hear about Jonny’s new girlfriend? It might be serious.

**Adam** : Oh really? Serious? With an anglerfish?

**Jackie** : An anglerfish?

**Jonny** : Don’t pay attention. He is just jealous.

**Jackie** : Oh Bobo, don’t be jealous. You will find your other half at some point too.

**Adam** : Well, for your information, Mum, I’ve been dating a girl for a few weeks too. And it’s going pretty well, I would say.

**Jackie** : Oh really? Why are you boys so secretive?! I’m so happy to hear that! You should invite them next week for Friday dinner! I would love to meet your females.

**Adam** : Well, let’s see that.

**Jonny** : Yeah, let’s see that.

**Jackie** : Come on, I always wanted a girl.

**Adam** : Thanks, Mum.

**Jonny** : Thanks, Mum.

**Jackie** : I need a break of you three, for God’s sake. Bring them next week for dinner!

**Adam** : Talking about dinner, I’m starving, Mum. When will it be ready?

**Jackie** : Oh, today we are having a special meal: glazed roasted duck. I found this duck in the supermarket that was so reduced I could not leave it.

**Adam** : “In” the supermarket? Or “behind” the supermarket?

**Jonny** : Mum, are we having bin-duck for dinner?

**Jackie** : Oh boys, don’t be silly. The wrapping was nearly intact!

**Adam** : Ha ha. And how long needs the bin-duck to be in the oven?

**Jackie** : Auntie Val sent me this recipe. It’s supposed to be delicious but it will take a few more minutes.

_ Jackie checks the kitchen timer. _

**Adam** : Oh dear, I know what a few more minutes mean. I’ll better get something to munch.

_ Adam leaves the living room and enters the kitchen. He faces the counter and opens a cupboard. At that moment the technician enters through the back door into the kitchen. The technician looks very dodgy, beard, long hair, and has a threatening gaze. Adam turns and gets very scared. _

**Adam** : Help! Help!

_ Adam grabs a short wooden spoon to defend himself. The technician stands by the door without saying a word. Jackie and Jonny run into the kitchen attracted by the shouting. _

**Jackie** : Oh my God, why are you screaming? It’s the technician. He’s repairing the heating!

**Jonny** : You are such a chicken. “Help”, “help”.

_ Jonny mocks Adam. _

**Jackie** _ (looking at the technician) _ : I’m sorry, my son is a bit special.

**Jonny** : I don’t know what’s more hilarious, you being scared of the technician or defending yourself with this.

_ Jonny picks the short wooden spoon and hits Adam with it. _

**Adam** : Oh, stop it, pissface.

_ Martin enters the kitchen. He’s wearing a jumper. _

**Martin** : For God’s sake, what’s going on?! You scared the hell out of me!

**Jonny** : Hi Dad. It’s just Adam saving us all from the technician.

**Martin** : Oh Adam, you imbecile. Fancy pants, by the way.

_ Martin points at Adam’s yellow shorts. Martin and Jonny laugh. _

**Jackie** : Martin, thanks for having a break on whatever business you have in the bathroom to attend your family. Much appreciated.

**Martin** : What?

**Jackie** : Oh, forget it.

**Martin** ( _ looking at Jonny _ ): What’s wrong with your mother today?

**Jonny** : Not sure, she might be angry at you for taking so long in the bathroom.

**Martin** : Oh, for God’s sake! Can’t a man spend an afternoon in his own toilet?

**Adam** : An afternoon? You should eat more fibre.

**Martin** : Talking about eating. When is dinner? I’m so hungry.

**Jonny** : Mum says it’s not ready yet.

**Martin** : Oh, yes. I saw your mother’s poultry. Enormous. It will take a week to cook. Better come back next Friday haha.

**Jackie** : What are you three talking about?

**Adam** : Mum, when will dinner be ready? We are dying.

_ Jackie checks again the kitchen timer that she is carrying. _

**Jackie** : I said it will take a few more minutes.

**Adam** : A few more minutes?

**Jackie** : All right, all right, have something to eat. Move to the dining room, and I’ll bring some starters.

=============================

_ Martin, Adam, and Jonny sit around the table in the dining room. _

**Jonny** : Dad, aren’t you a bit warm with that jumper on?

**Martin** : What?

**Adam** : Are you comfortable with the jumper? Not a bit hot?

**Martin** : This jumper? No, I’m fine. It’s merino wool.

**Jonny** : Merino wool?

**Martin** : Don’t you know you idiot? It keeps you cooler.

**Adam** : Cooler? So you are saying that removing that jumper will make you warmer, right?

**Martin** : Exactly.

**Adam** : Exactly.

_ Jackie enters the dining room with a bowl of carrots in her hands. _

**Jackie** : There you go.

**Adam** : What is this, Mum?

**Jackie** : A starter.

**Jonny** : A starter?

_ Martin takes a carrot. _

**Martin** : They are not even cutted. Who do you think we are? Bugs the Bunny?

**Adam** : Bugs “the” Bunny?

**Jackie** : Come on, I’m busy in the kitchen! You know what? You go and take care of the duck and I relax here. Does that sound better?

**Martin** : You know that the oven and me we don’t get along very well.

**Jackie** : It’s very easy. The duck needs basting. Open the oven and pour the juices on top.   
**Adam** : On top of the duck.

**Jackie** : Will you be able to do that?

**Martin** : Oh, Jackie!

_ Martin leaves the dining room. _

**Jonny** : Mum, why does the technician's face ring a bell?

**Jackie** : A bell? No idea.

**Jonny** : It’s like I’ve seen him before…

**Jackie** : Auntie Val recommended him. I think she found him in one of those rehabilitation programs.

**Adam** : A rehabilitation program?!

**Jackie** : Oh Bobo, I’m joking. We all know how brave you are.

**Adam** : Thanks, Mum.

**Jonny** : No, I’ve seen that weird face before, those feral eyes...

**Adam** : Yeah, on the London Dungeon?

**Jackie** : Oh, Adam.

**Jonny** : No, no, I think this is the same guy that was expelled from secondary school. He was a couple of years over me, but I think he was kicked out for doing some nasty stuff.

**Adam** : What nasty stuff?

**Jonny** : I heard the principal caught him out stealing something from his office.

**Adam** : Nice.

**Jonny** : And then he stabbed the principal.

**Adam** : Stabbed the principal?? The person who is in our kitchen?

**Jonny** : Or pushed. Stabbed or pushed, not sure. But pretty dark chap.

**Adam** : What? Are you saying that we have a stabber in our house?

**Jonny** : Or a pusher.

**Adam** : Well, a stabber or a pusher.

**Jonny** : Probably a stabber, yes.

**Jackie** : Stop it, boys. He’s just a normal person. A bit shy. Not very talkative but I’m sure he’s never harmed a fly.

_ Martin enters the dining room. _

**Martin** : That kitchen is bleeding hot. The oven is like a million degrees. I’m sweating as hell.

**Jackie** : Well, you could start by removing that jumper. Why are you wearing it?

**Jonny** : It’s merino wool. Cooler than not wearing it.

**Martin** ( _ to Jonny _ ): You shut up, simpleton.

**Adam** : Yeah Dad, why don’t you remove your jumper?

**Jackie** : Are you hiding something?

**Martin** : Hiding? What I’m going to be hiding? 

**Jonny** : It’s very weird you are wearing a jumper. You are usually shirtless even in the heart of winter.

**Martin** : I wear whatever I want in my house.

**Jackie** : Come on, Martin, take off that jumper. You are making me feel ill just looking at you.

**Martin** : I’m not taking the bloody jumper off. But it’s true it’s hot in here. Can we at least open the window?

**Jackie** : No, no, no, think about the climate change, Martin!

**Martin** : What?

**Jackie** : We can’t just open the window. It’s a waste of energy!

_ Jackie winks an eye to the boys. _

_ Ding dong. _

================================

_ Jackie walks through the corridor to open the main door. Jim is standing with Wilson and a shoe box in his hand. _

**Jim** : Hi Jackie!

**Jackie** : Hi Jim.

**Jim** : Hi Jackie. I was wondering if you could help...

**Jackie** : Oh Jim, it’s Friday night and we are just about to have dinner...

**Jackie** : Thanks but tonight I’m in a quite delicate situation here. An emergency. I would really need your help, Jackie. Do you see this shoe box?

**Jackie** : Yes, I can see it.

**Jim** : Well, I really need you to keep it for a few minutes. You’ll see, I have run out of fig ice-cream, and I have to rush to the shop. It’s Wilson’s favourite flavour.

_ Jim tries to pet Wilson but gets scared. _

**Jim** : But I’m afraid Lucy is not welcome in the shop. We had a situation in the past...

**Jackie** : Who is Lucy?

**Jim** : Lucy, my adorable tarantula. It is contained in the shoe box.

**Jackie** : A tarantula? Why don’t you leave it at home?

**Jim** : Oh, I can’t do that, Jackie. Lucy is, say, very jumpy! I can’t leave her alone; oh, no. She is very cheeky, and needs continuous supervision.

**Jackie** : Fine.

_ Jackie takes the shoe box and Jim leaves. _

**Jim** : Oh, Jackie.

**Jackie** : What?

**Jim** : Please tell Adam that his girlfriend sends her regards.

_ Jim kisses the air and Jackie pulls a face of incredulity and closes the door. Jackie enters the dining room with the shoe box. _

**Martin** : Who was it?

**Jackie** : Jim, he was running to the shop to get ice-cream.

**Martin** : What’s in the box?

**Jackie** : Well, Jim asked if we could take care of his tarantula.

_ Martin stands up scared. _

**Martin** : Is there a tarantula in that box?

**Jackie** : For God’s sake, Martin. It’s harmless.

**Martin** : Get that thing away, Jackie. It’s the tarantula or me in this house!

**Jackie** : Difficult decision. All right. Jonny, do you mind taking it to the kitchen?

**Jonny** : What a brave family: one is scared of the technician, the other from a spider.

_ Jonny leaves the dining room. _

**Jackie** : By the way, Adam, Jim says that your girlfriend sends her regards.

**Adam** : What?

**Jackie** : That’s all he said.

**Adam** : How can Jim possibly know my girlfriend?

**Martin** : Is your girlfriend a psychiatrist?

**Adam** : No, she’s a lawyer.

**Martin** : Then I don’t know how.

_ Jonny enters the dining room. _

**Jonny** : What have I missed?

**Jackie** : Jim knows Adam’s girlfriend.

**Jonny** : Oh really? Maybe they are relatives!

**Adam** : Of course not.

**Jonny** : Oh pussface, now I can really imagine your girlfriend. Does she wear glasses?

**Adam** : Stop it! My girlfriend does not wear glasses.

**Jonny** : What about a fringe?

_ Jonny puts his fingers in the forehead imitating Jim’s fringe. _

**Adam** : For your information my girlfriend has a nice, clean, and modern hair style.

**Jonny** : Adam and Jim, Adam and Jim!

**Adam** : Hold your horses. Remember that Jim always mixes up our names. So, probably he meant Jonny.

**Jonny** : No, he didn’t! I’m sure that he had the name right this time. If he said Adam, it’s Adam.

**Adam** : Of course, how could our perfectly normal neighbour mix our names? Not in a million years!

**Jonny** : All right, there is a small chance... I’m going to check right now. I’m asking her.

_ Jonny pulls out his phone and sends a text. _

**Martin** : Oh boys, please don’t do this. Jim is annoying enough as a neighbour. I can’t imagine him as your father-in-law.

_ Jonny’s phone beeps. _

**Adam** : Please be Jonny. Please be Jonny.

**Jonny** : Oh, bloody hell!

**Adam** : Oh, thank God!

**Jackie** : What’s it?

**Jonny** : It seems my girlfriend is Jim’s niece!

**Martin** : You and your taste!

**Jonny** : Well, I didn’t know!

**Adam** : What a relief! Are you going to dump her now?

**Jonny** : Of course not! I won’t dump her. Right Mum?

**Jackie** : Of course not.

**Adam** : Does she have a dog?

**Martin** : Haha, I’m sorry but now I can only imagine your girlfriend with Jim’s face.

**Jackie** : Stop it, Martin. By the way, it’s time for another basting.

**Martin** : You have to be kidding me. It’s hot as hell in there.

**Jackie** : Not kidding. If you are warm, take off that stupid jumper.

**Martin** : Oh Jackie!

_ Martin leaves the dining room. _

**Jackie** : I’m going to check on your father. I don’t trust his oven skills.

_ Jackie also leaves the dining room. _

**Jonny** : I have a plan.

**Adam** : Going back in time to prevent your own birth?

**Jonny** : Nice one, pussface. But no, a plan to find out if the technician is the dodgy guy from secondary school.

**Adam** : How? Are you going to introduce yourself?

**Jonny** : That’s a stupid nonsense idea. Let’s frame him. We’ll leave some money on the counter and see if he steals it.

**Adam** : Uhmmm, I’m sorry but if your next suggestion is to borrow it from me, I’m stoney broke.

**Jonny** : Really? After your successful musical career? Totally unexpected!

**Adam** : How much do you have on you?

**Jonny** : Yeah, not much either. We’ll ask Dad.

**Adam** : Dad? Good luck with that.

_ Jonny and Adam leave the dining room. On their way to the kitchen they bump into Jackie who is coming back to the dining room. _

**Jackie** : Where are you two going?

**Jonny** : We need to talk to Dad. Where is he?

**Jackie** : In the kitchen. Just follow the swearing.

_ Jonny and Adam enter the kitchen. Martin is closing the oven. _

**Martin** : Oh, bleeding oven. I’m sweating like a pregnant nun.

**Adam** : Nice.

**Jonny** : Hi Dad, could we borrow 20 pound from you?

**Martin** : Of course not. What a waste of saliva.

**Adam** : It’s for getting something to eat from the shop while dinner cooks.

**Martin** : From the shop? Like what?

**Jonny** : We were thinking of some nachos.

**Martin** : Oh, nachos machos! Brilliant!

**Jonny** : The delivery is free, but we charge for the nachos.

**Martin** : All right, but be quick. I’m starving!

_ Martin hands Jonny a 20 pound note. _

**Martin** : And don’t keep the change.

**Jonny** : Awesome!

_ Martin leaves the kitchen. _

**Adam** : What are you going to tell Dad when he realises there is no nachos machos?

**Jonny** : I’ll say the shop has run out.

**Adam** : What if the guy takes the money?

**Jonny** : How much do you value the safety of the family?

**Adam** : True. 20 pounds.

**Jonny** : Let’s leave it here and wait.

_ Jonny leaves the note on the counter and both hide in the corridor. The technician enters the kitchen through the back door. _

**Jonny** : Look, look!

_ The technician notices the money on the counter but doesn’t take it. He keeps working on the heater. _

**Adam** : All right, he is not the guy.

**Jonny** : No way! I’m sure it is him.

**Adam** : Maybe he has reinserted in society as a responsible citizen.

**Jonny** : Bollocks!

_ The technician leaves the kitchen again. _

**Jonny** : I have an idea. Wait and see.

_ Jonny enters the kitchen. Grabs a paper and pencil, writes something, and leaves the note with the money. Then comes back with Adam. _

**Adam** : What have you written there?

**Jonny** : You’ll see. This time it will work like a charm!

_ The technician enters the kitchen again. Notices the note, reads it, puts the money in his pocket, and goes back to work. _

**Adam** : Oh my God! You were right!

**Jonny** : I told you! I told you!

**Adam** : What was in the note?

**Jonny** : In the note? I wrote “take me”.

**Adam** : You wrote “take me”.

**Jonny** : Yeah, and it worked.

**Adam** : Did it work? Really?

**Jonny** : Of course, he took it. What are you talking about?

**Adam** : We wanted to prove that he would steal the money, not accept it.

**Jonny** : Same thing.

**Adam** : Don’t you think that he might have thought that was a tip?

**Jonny** : A tip?

**Adam** : Oh, you numbhead!

_ Martin approaches. _

**Martin** : What are you doing here? And where are my nachos machos?

**Jonny** : No nachos machos tonight.

**Martin** : What? Why not?

**Adam** : Jonny gave the money to the technician.

**Martin** : What have you done?

**Adam** : A tip.

**Martin** : A tip? 20 pounds? And he hasn’t fixed it yet! Oh, you pillock!

_ Martin gets angry. Ding-dong. _

**Jonny** : Someone’s at the door!

_ Jonny escapes towards the door. _

=======================

_ Jonny opens the door. _

**Jim** : Hello Adam.

**Jonny** : It’s Jonny.

**Jim** : I was more interested in Lucy. Is she around?

**Jonny** : Who is Lucy?

**Jim** : She is my tarantula. She is very jumpy!

_ Adam arrives. _

**Adam** : Oh, are you having a family chat?

**Jonny** : Shut up, pussface.

**Adam** : What a nice meeting, nephew and uncle.

**Jim** : Nephew? Are you my nephew?

_ Jim tries to kiss Jonny. _

**Adam** : You know, because of your niece. She is dating Jonny, isn’t she?

**Jim** : Uhmmm but she is not dating Jonny, she is dating Adam.

**Jonny** : You are mixing up our names!

**Jim** : Jonny, Adam, difficult to say. You have nearly indistinguishable names!

**Adam** : Indistinguishable names? They don’t share a single letter!

**Jim** : My niece is definitely dating Jonny. She showed us a picture!

_ Jim points at Adam. _

**Adam** : Adam!

**Jonny** : Jim, you got yourself into a mess. I already checked with Dora.

**Jim** : I don’t understand.

**Adam** : Wait. What did you say? Dora?

**Jim** : Yes, I already checked with her.

**Adam** : Is Dora your girlfriend’s name?

**Jonny** : Yes, Dora. Why?

**Adam** : I have a terrible feeling. My girlfriend’s name is also Dora.

**Jim** : This is kind of confusing. And my fig ice-cream is melting. 

**Adam** : Jonny, show me her phone number.

**Jonny** : What do you mean?

**Jim** : I’ll be back in a sec!

_ Jim leaves. _

**Adam** : Please don’t be true, please don’t be true, please don’t be true

**Jonny** : What are you thinking?

**Adam** : Well, same name, we met them at the same place, and Jim was sure it was me, although you already confirmed with your girlfriend...

**Jonny** : Please don’t say…

_ Jonny shows her phone number to Adam. _

**Adam** : Oh for God’s sake. Shit on me, shit on me, shit on me.

**Jonny** : What? This can’t be true!

_ Martin arrives. _

**Martin** : What’s going on?

**Adam** : It seems that Jonny’s girlfriend and my girlfriend are, in fact, the same person!

**Martin** : What?

**Jonny** : Why do these things only happen to me? Why?

**Adam** : Only to you? What about me?

**Martin** : So have you been dating the same girl? Did you know that?

**Adam** : Yes Dad, we knew that. Of course we didn’t!

**Martin** : Isn’t this as if you had been making out with each other? Hahaha.

**Jonny** : What?! Gross!

**Adam** : Dad!

**Martin** : Haha, yeah, think about it!

_ They enter the dining room. _

**Jackie** : What’s going on here?

**Martin** : The boys have been sharing a girl.

**Jackie** : What?

**Jonny** : Mum, my girlfriend has been cheating on me!

**Jackie** : Cheating?

**Jonny** : With my own brother!

**Jackie** : What?

**Adam** : I didn’t know! The same happened to me!

**Jackie** : But, what? What a naughty lady, your girlfriend!

**Jonny** : It’s not fair.

**Martin** : So who is keeping the female?

**Jackie** : Martin!

**Adam** : Nobody is keeping the female!

**Jonny** : I guess I’ll have to dumb her know. Right Mum?   
**Jackie** : Yeah, I think so.

**Jonny** : Oh, my Dora!

**Adam** : Our Dora.

**Jackie** : Oh boys, don’t worry, another girl will arrive into your lifes!

**Martin** : Better ask for two.

_ Ding dong! _

_ Jackie opens the door. _

**Jim** : Hello, Jackie.

**Jackie** : What, Jim? We are busy at the moment.

**Jim** : I just wanted to recover my Lucy!

**Jackie** : Oh, the tarantula. Sure Jim, just a sec.

_ Jackie walks to the kitchen while the rest approach the front door. _

**Jim** : So, how are my nephews?

**Adam** : We are not your nephews.

**Martin** : Jim, you have such a busy niece, haha.

**Jim** : Yes, very busy schedule!

_ Jackie comes back from the kitchen with the shoe box in her hands. _

**Jackie** : There you go, Jim.

_ Jackie hands the shoe box to Jim. _

**Jim** : Oh, hello Lucy!

_ Jim approaches the box to his ear and moves it a bit. Then he looks inside. _

**Jim** : Lucy?

_ Jim opens the shoe box completely and it is empty. _

**Jim** : Where is my Lucy?

**Jackie** : Isn't there?

**Martin** : Where is the bloody tarantula?

**Jim** : I told you it was very jumpy.

**Martin** : I’m not staying in a house with a tarantula roaming free!

**Jackie** : Oh Martin, be a man!

**Jim** : Where is my Lucy then?

**Adam** : Dad, on your back! It’s climbing up your jumper!

**Martin** : What? Bloody thing!

_ Martin removes his jumper. _

**Martin** : Where is it?

**Adam** : Hahaha, I guess it was just a shadow.

**Martin** : Oh, you idiot! Are you planning to give me a heart attack?

_ Everybody realises about Martin’s shaved chest. _

**Jackie** : What is that, Martin? Have you shaved your chest?

**Jonny** : Oh my God, Dad!

**Martin** : Oh, shut up.

**Adam** : Is that why you didn’t want to remove your jumper?

**Jonny** : That is weird.

**Jackie** : What is going on here, Martin?

**Martin** : Oh bloody hell, you had to know, you busybodies!

**Jackie** : Martin, tell me right now, what is going on?

**Jonny** : Dad, are you having an affair?

**Jackie** : An affair?

**Martin** : Ah, shut up you simpleton!

**Jackie** : If it is not an affair, then what is it?

**Martin** : What is it?

**Jackie** : Yeah, what is it?

**Adam and Jonny** : What is it, Dad?

**Martin** : Well, I know how much you dislike my manly hair, so I shaved for you, as a present for our anniversary.

**Jackie** : What are you talking about? Which anniversary, Martin? Our wedding anniversary is three months from now.

**Adam** : Dad, you are in trouble.

**Martin** : Not the wedding anniversary.

**Jackie** : Then what?

**Martin** : Our first kiss anniversary!

**Jackie** : Our first kiss?

**Adam** : What?

_ Adam and Jonny laugh. _

**Jackie** : Oh Martin, did you remember? I can’t believe it; that’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done!

**Adam** : Mum, I think Dad remembered your first kiss anniversary and you didn’t.

**Martin** : Are we not celebrating? Why is that gigantic duck in the oven then?

**Jackie** : It was just an offer in the supermarket.

**Jonny** : Shame on you, Mum.

**Adam** : I can’t believe you forgot and Dad remembered. Shame.

**Jackie** : Oh shut up, boys.

**Adam** : You should feel embarrassed right now, Mum.

**Jonny** : Look at Dad’s eyes of disappointment, Mum.

**Jackie** : Oh Martin, I’m so sorry I forgot.

_ Jackie kisses and hugs Martin. _

**Jim** : Sorry to interrupt this lovely scene, but where is my Lucy?

**Adam** : Was it in the box in the first place?

**Jim** : That is a very reasonable doubt. I better go check her terrarium.

_ Jim leaves. _

=======================

_ In the living room, the family is sitting on the sofa. _

**Jackie** : Oh Martin, I can’t believe you did that for me. I’m going to reward you later.

_ Jackie winks. _

**Jonny** : Oh please, stop it, that’s disgusting.

**Martin** : What is disgusting? The expression of love by your parents?

**Jonny** : It’s just that we had enough tonight.

**Martin** : Oh yes, your shared girlfriend. Half a girlfriend is better than none. You just have to know which half to pick hahaha.

**Jackie** : Please Martin, the boys were very excited about their new girlfriend.

**Adam** : It’s all right. There are more fishes in the sea I guess.

**Jonny** : Yeah, this time just go fishing far away from me, you idiot.

_ Jonny and Adam start fighting. _

**Jackie** : Come on, boys, stop it!

_ The stopwatch that Jackie is carrying rings. _

**Jackie** : The duck is ready!

**Martin** : Oh my God, finally!

_ Jackie walks into the kitchen. She catches the technician while he is stealing the duck. _

**Jackie** : Excuse me!

_ The technician turns with the duck in their hands. _

**Jackie** : Where do you think you are going, mister? Leave that duck on the table right now.

_ The technician leaves the duck on the counter. The rest of the family enters the kitchen. _

**Martin** : What is going on here?

**Jackie** : This naughty gentleman was trying to steal our dinner.

**Johnny** : I knew it! I knew it!

**Adam** : Yeah, always judge a book by it’s cover.

**Jackie** : And now don’t move while I call the police.

_ The technician walks towards the family in a threatening way. He is gripping the short wooden spoon. _

**Jonny** : Watch out! He has a weapon!

_ The family walks back scared. The technician shouts, faints, and falls to the floor. Nobody moves for a couple of seconds. Then Jim appears at the kitchen door. _

**Jim** : I heard a kind of scream.

_ Jim looks around for a second. _

**Jim** : Oh Lucy, there you are!

_ Jim walks to the technician lying on the floor. With the help of the shoe box he picks something from the floor. _

**Jim** : Cheeky Lucy!

_ Jim looks around. _

**Jim** : I hope my Lucy didn’t cause any trouble.

_ Jim looks properly at the technician still unconscious. _

**Jim** : Ehm, I better get going. It’s been enough adventures for us tonight. Good night!

_ Jim leaves. Everyone is gobsmacked by what just happened. _

**Martin** : I hope at least he was able to fix the heater.

=========================

_ Adam and Jonny are outside the house. Adam is wearing a jumper but still wearing the yellow shorts. There are police lights. _

**Jonny** : Well, well, well. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

**Adam** : Did you know his parents?

**Jonny** : His parents? No, why?

**Adam** : Forget it.

_ Two seconds of silence. _

**Jonny** : It’s been such a lovely evening.

**Adam** : Yeah, looking forward to next Friday.

**Jonny** : On the positive side, we won’t have to bring our girlfriends.

**Adam** : Better say girlfriend.

**Jonny** : Yeah.

_ Martin approaches from behind. He’s eating a carrot. _

**Adam** : Here it comes Bugs “the” Bunny.

**Martin** : Hola, bambinos. Are you alright?

**Adam** : Oh yes. I’m not even hungry anymore.

**Jonny** : Just a regular Friday dinner, I guess.

**Martin** : You can say it.

**Jonny** : By the way, such a romantic gesture from your side.

**Adam** : Indeed! Remembering the first kiss with Mum. Totally unexpected! Well done!

**Martin** : Yeah, right? I can’t believe I came up with that so quickly.

_ Outro. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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